Journal # 136 – Being me

Type 6 INFP. Highly-sensitive person.

These are just labels that pretty much describe who I am. Even the Big-Five personality traits model also indicate the same core traits that revolve around the following:

I don’t do anything if I don’t get the sense or feeling of security or safety. I rely a lot on verbal assurance and/or physical presence to even get through my daily work, especially if I’m dealing with something totally new. This is where I will need to work on my competency that will give me the confidence to deal with situations.

I get stressed out when I have to work in a chaotic or noisy environment. That’s just too much stimulations of my senses. This is where I will need to learn how to unwind and create “me” time at the end of a work day.

I get severely upset after getting criticized on my work a couple of times. This affects my confidence and passion in my work. It will cause quality to fall rapidly. Left uncheck, I will slip into depression. I need to learn to let it go and be a little more professional. Need to remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

I get stressed out when people even raised their voice slightly when talking to me. I can pick up on the tones, the intent, and mood.

I hate it when I have to keep doing repeating or monotonous work. Making it worse would be to do it within a tight deadline. The only way to prevent me from stressing out about doing repeating work would be to give me something new to do or let me do some personal projects. If left undealt with, I will also slip into depression.

I get upset when I’m forced to do work that doesn’t align with my personal value or stances. It causes massive internal turmoil. I have since learn to let things go from time to time but it still affect me quite badly if I’m not careful.

I need a very long time to recharge after work. That means I can get burnt out a lot faster. That’s why learning to say no, developing my ability to schedule and prioritize work, and learning to compartmentalize is very important. I need to create enough “me” time so that I can recharge in any given 24-hour window.

I hate to be at the center of any attention. I prefer to be behind the scene, and not deal with any people. I prefer to be the side-kick.

Certain smells, noises, and lights overwhelm and upset me. I can learn to manage this but at the same time, letting people know and hope the understand is also as important.

I get hangry and it heightens my already sensitive senses, causing me to get even more upset if I smell certain smells, hear certain type of noise or see certain type of lights. Try imagine to live with your senses tuned all the way up. I can of course learn to manage this.

I hate fakery. For example, I’m a casual person and that dressing up is putting on a fake image. This is akin to stepping on my personal value. I can learn to let it go.

I am open to new experiences but only if they are intellectual-related. Any other type of new experiences may require a little more effort on my part to be uncomfortable but my stress coping mechanism has to be able to handle it.

There are probably many more but I will figure them out as I go through life. Now to achieve success in my life, personal development and growth is very important. I need to figure out a way to work on improving on the above traits, especially those that will affect my professional life.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Journal #129 – Supposed to be a chilling Sunday

There isn’t much for me to update for today.

I spent most of my morning and early afternoon playing Assasin Creed and Watch Dogs 2. I was having a tension headache for most of the day caused by my extensive time in front of a screen.

Then I went for a run with my new running shoes. I wanted to run for 10km. So the moment I start, the running experience felt different from when I was wearing my Adidas shoes, which was meant to be light, airy, and for runners with normal feet. Although the shoes were heavy, it felt comfortable wearing it. Running in them felt like my feet were properly supported and my joints didn’t felt very painful. I was able to run faster in them.

Until…
At around 5.30km mark, my left feet hurt extremely bad at where the arch of my feet is. It felt like the tendons in my feet are being pulled apart. So I stopped running and walked instead. A brief googling revealed that it could be Plantar fasciitis. While walking, or when waiting at the traffic light, I shifted my feet around in my shoe until I hit the right angle where it stopped hurting when I walked. I cut the run short and since it was raining anyway, I decided to go home at 6.15km mark.

So at home, when I took out my shoes, I realized that my left shoe was more loose than my right. I suspect it could be because I didn’t tighten my shoe properly that lead to over-pronation during the run.

Anyway, until dinner, it was just me watching YouTube video and then I decided to rent a movie called Train to Busan on iTunes. I only watched the first quarter of the show before it’s dinner time.

The dinner was home-cooked pasta with tomato sauce, prawns, and hotdogs but the mood of the dinner was kind of ruined half way. It also ruined my mood to watch the movie.

Now, I don’t write this kind of thing here but then it’s the kind of situation that I have to deal with every other day at home. Have been dealing with that since I was little but then it doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful.

Come to think of it, the situation I faced every other day at home also serve as a great example of why personal development, especially on the EQ side, and self-awareness is so important. It doesn’t matter if the situation is with family, professional, or friends but if you lack those two, you pretty much ruined any relationship that you have. And these two topics are why I restarted my blog in the first place. I wanted to document my daily journey, what I have encountered, and my thoughts.

I’m not saying I don’t have any flaws since I’m a work in progress. I’m not an empath but I have more self-awareness now, which opened up new opportunities. I also know when I got a problem and it is affecting my relationship with my friends or co-workers.

So the situation at home revolves around my dad. I dare say he lacks the EQ. If he had, he won’t be so sensitive and snapped at family members at the slightest of comments about lifestyle or him. Then he will get somewhat physical, doesn’t matter if it’s against persons or objects. I don’t know if he is aware that his behavior pretty much ruin the atmosphere and mood at home, and raise cortisol levels across. Now even if he is aware, it does look like he doesn’t even to try to improve. From time to time, it feels like he’s treating the family as a punching bag. That’s also why my relationship with him is cool, not neutral, or warm.

Yes, this is me doing an audit of one of my family members. It’s part of how you can improve your life. If I take a step further, it means to excise the toxicity, which is hard to do when it comes to family.

Of course people can say that as family, we should work to improve each other. But then this is a traditional Chinese family, where the father is the head of the family and doesn’t like being challenged by underlings. If you challenge him, you get snapped at and suffer verbal abuse. I already had enough of that so in this case I think only his peers of roughly the same age can help. It’s just like how my friends helped me or mentored me.

Now I’m just making assumptions here, but I would think that it’s much easier for me to work with someone with Asperger’s or high-functioning autistism.

Anyway, that’s all for now.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Journal #128 – I flew my first drone

I decided to change the way I give titles to my entries. I found the previous style to be a little monotonous and boring. But if you prefer the previous style, let me know in the comments below and I will change it back.

Set my alarm clock to wake me up at 0645hrs because of the need for me to take the omeprazole half an hour before food. I felt like shit (got a headache and puffy eyes) waking up so early as my normal waking time is around 9 or 10 in the morning.

Had my breakfast, shower, and out of the house I went. Half way towards the train station, I realised I don’t have enough time and so I went to flag a cab. Went to the training center.

Upon arriving, signed my attendance and went into the classroom.

We went through theory first, which was a little dry but necessary. It covered the rules and regulation. After that, we went for a quick break and are issued with our own drone, the Syma X5HW-1.

This drone is a trainer drone and can take quite a fair bit of beating. We are advised to practice on this drone first until we are familiar before going on to the more expensive ones like dji Mavic Pro or Phantom 4.

Now, according to the trainer, this specific drone is one of the best ones out there for beginners undergoing training and it cost only about SG$120, maybe less or more, depending on where you get it.

Here are some videos that I took of the training.

I also bought a miniature drone at the training center with the intention to practice flying at home or indoor before bringing out the X5HW. After finishing a written test, we went home.

For those (Singapore Citizens only) who are interested in taking this course, please go to this site.

So upon reaching home, I unpacked my bag, put down the drone at home, showered, and joined my family for dinner at Jurong Point. We ate at Dian Xiao Er. After dinner,  we walked around the mall for a little bit.

While at the mall, I also decided to get a new pair of running shoes since I got flat feet. My current pair of running shoes just isn’t suitable for me. It’s pretty worn down and gross anyway.

After that, we took the bus home and I started sorting out the boxes for the drone, tested flying the miniature drone. Well, it ran out of battery, and so I put it on charge immediately. I also went to charge the battery that came with the X5HW.

That’s all for now, I shall go and catch up on tv shows.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 11, 2017

This is my 127th journal.

Despite me sleeping at around 0200hrs, I set the alarm clock to wake me up at 0730 hrs this morning. I intended to go to my client’s office to do some more work.

I spent one quarter of my time in the client’s office doing research into domain-driven design and the rest doing code refactoring and implementation.

My activity for today aside, I noticed that I no longer have the desire to spent the next few years of my life doing software development. I don’t even feel like doing any software work now except for the sake of money. Concurrently, I’m putting my plans into action and moving myself into the creative line of work.

Anyway, I left the client’s office at around 1710hrs and went to Uniqlo @ Jurong Point. Decided to get two plain-colored T-shirts and a black sweat pants.

These are part of my minimalistic lifestyle and serve as my uniform.

I got home at around 1830hrs, showered, and waited for dinner. In the meantime, I was looking for courses on Creative Writing, and career opportunities that are not related to software development. Yes, I want to try something else now and seeing it as a career change.

After dinner, I watched season 3, episode 7 of Zoo (TV Series).

I will probably go to bed early today as I need to wake up early tomorrow for a drone piloting course that starts at 9am sharp and ends at 6pm. I will do my best to prepare the journal for tomorrow with photos and videos.

That’s all for now.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 10, 2017

This is my 126th journal.

Slept pretty late last night at around 2 am. Woke up at around 1000hrs and decided that I will go to my client’s office this morning.

Arrived at client’s office at around 1215hrs after getting my lunch and coffee to go. Started eating at my desk in the office while chatting with the manager. At around 1230hrs, she went off to gym while I continue to eat and drink my coffee.

After that I got started working on one of the enhancements. I managed to go into the zone and do my work. I also spent quite a fair bit of time doing code refactoring and moving classes around so that they fit into the bounded context.

At around 1700hrs, I felt hungry and decided to redeem my Starbucks free food. Had a grilled chicken sandwich.

Then I look at some news article on the web before deciding to call it a day. Packed up and left the client office at around 1800hrs. I had a dinner appointment with my friends at Clarke Quay. As I was in Raffles Place, I reached my destination in less than half an hour.

I waited for them for about 15 minutes or so. During that time, I walked around the Central Shopping Center listening to Spotify.

When my friends arrived, we made our way to Keisuke Ramen. We ordered the same ramen with rich broth and all toppings. However, we also had customization. One of my friend disliked spring onion while I dislike bamboo.

We chatted while eating as well as after finishing our food. Then we left and settle the bill amongst ourselves. Then we went to the ice cream shop called 320 Below at Central Shopping center. We ended up ordering the same Belgian Dark Chocolate ice cream.

I found the ice cream quite alright. Or maybe there just not much difference you can expect from an ice cream. The chocolate was sufficiently bitter and the price was comparable to other ice cream shops.

After that one of the friend went separate way as he wanted to take cab home. The other friend and I took the west-bound train home. During the journey, we discussed about my intention to be a writer instead of a programmer going forward and what are the things that should be done. At Jurong East, my friend went off to another platform to take another train while I continue on.

I reached home at around 2115hrs, took out my MacBook from my bag, and started doing some stuff. I also went to power up my NAS. At around 2130hrs, I went for a shower. After I came out, prepared a vitamin C drink, and started looking for shows to binge watch.

That’s all for now and I will go on to do some other random stuff.

But wait… let me go watch a video from one of my favorite YouTuber.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 9, 2017

This is my 125th journal.

Today is Singapore’s birthday. We are celebrating National Day today and it is a public holiday.

I woke up several times to use the toilet and that was pretty disruptive to my sleep. Blame it on my water intake the night before. But still, I think it was a pretty good sleep cause I dreamt a lot. Like a lot. I personally like dreams when I sleep because it shows me that my brain learnt or absorbed quite a lot of stuff during my day and it’s processing those information during my sleep.

After that I started up my MacBook and went about redoing the payment for my AWS account. Amazon sent me an email saying that the payment was successful.

You know what, I think I will keep the AWS account because I think I can play with it when I get enough work to earn enough to pay for it.

Then I went on to prepare the Latest Science Tidbits #2.

After that I watched Shooter (TV Series, Season 2) and some YouTube videos. I will be meeting my friend later for dinner tonight at 1730hrs.

We went to Tanjong Pagar to eat Bak Kut Teh.


After that we went to Holland Village to have some drinks at Starker.


Managed to finish the 2L drink. I did used the chance to talk about some ideas that I have but not easy to implement because of cultural, and resource issues and the solutions to those issues have yet been thoroughly thought out.

Also, during our chat, my friend reminded me of something. Different people has different kind of thing that makes them happy. Some is family. Some is money. Some is watch. Some is reaching certain purchase goal.

For me, I came to realize that my true happiness stems from stress-free environment. And please don’t say everyone loves to be stress-free because I know that’s not true. Some people are happy when they encounter challenges in their lives or work because they get to solve a problem.

So in order to to achieve stress-free I need to work for it. That means I need to put in the effort to get the things, create whatever plans, and implement whatever steps necessary.

To illustrate what I am talking about, I will pick inconvenience. It is a major stressor in my view. That’s why I went to get Apple products and enter the ecosystem. It has a lower inconvenience rate than Windows machine. I choose to eat at restaurants because I don’t like to deal with the chaotic scenes, or the inconvenience of looking for a seat and then queueing for my food in coffee shops and hawker centers. That’s also why I went with minimalism especially when it comes to clothes and material possession. The act of choosing what to wear is an inconvenience to me.

But that also means that I need a certain kind of income that will allow me to do what I have mentioned. Apple products don’t come cheap. Restaurants don’t come cheap. But that doesn’t mean I need to work 24/7 for the kind of money I’m looking for. Because with me adhering to minimalism, I already stop myself from buying unnecessary stuff that don’t add value to my life which in turn ncrease my happiness in any way.

Ok, back to what happened in my life. At around 2130, we are contemplating if want to go home earlier or continue drinking. After more drinking and talking, at around 2220hrs, we decided to call it a day and go home. My friend’s wife was with us and she looked bored. Not very nice to stay on. Beside, they both need to work while I don’t. Unless…well…I choose to go to my client’s office.

Boarded the train at Holland Village, then the west-bound train, and I managed to reach home at around 2319.

I don’t have anything else to update. So I think that’s all for now.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 8, 2017

This is my 124th journal.

I woke up earlier today without alarm clock at around 0900hrs. Watched some YouTube video from my favorite youtubers , had a quick morning shower, and then joined my mom to go eat chicken porridge at Jurong West hawker centre.

While eating, I was sweating like mad because I have been eating in air-conditioned environment often. My mom was saying that I have pampered myself too much already. Yeah, I agree. That’s what happen when you feel like a millionaire (not an actual millionaire).

After eating, I had a craving for fried carrot cake and so my mom went to get it. It took more than 15 minutes before it was ready. During that time, the sky started pouring down and my mom forgot to bring in the laundry before we went out. So that’s that.

When my mom finally came back, it was in a packed form. Apparently, the person preparing the food didn’t hear what my mom said about eating in. It didn’t matter as I decided to eat it at home. Then we went to the wet market to get some fishball and egg noodles.

After that we went home. At first we wanted to board bus number 99 but there were a lot of people. So happened that bus number 502 also came and we took that instead. Well, I was under the assumption that the bus will stop at our apartment block but upon checking the details of the bus route, I realized our mistake.

But it’s all good. We alighted at the a mini-shopping mall near our house and went to the supermarket instead. Got more stuff before we made our way home.

Along the way, and running from the rain, I came across two really cute and beautiful cats. I love cats so much, especially when they are all fluffy.

So I went to pet the one of the cats on the head before joining my mom and making our way home.

Upon reaching home, I ate the fried carrot cake and I found it pretty tasty but can’t beat the one that I ate at Ang Mo Kio hawker centre.

After that, brushed my teeth again and I drank some Earl Grey. Then I went to play Cities Skylines for the remaining of the day until dinner time at around 2030hrs. Along the way, my mom went out with my sister to see the doctor as my sister was feeling sick. Then my mom did tried to call me but because I was wearing earphones, playing games, I didn’t know my phone rang. So I missed it. Apparently, my mom wanted to ask me what I wanted to eat for lunch. End up she got me two big meat buns. Ate that for lunch and continue playing.

Here are some night shots of my city:

In the game, I made some rather drastic changes to the roads to ensure optimal traffic flow. I changed the roundabouts and used highways-type roads to force traffic to move in a certain way, taking advantage of the in-game road properties.

For the night, I went to watch a YouTube video by Gary Vaynerchuk. In a way, he’s an inspiration to me and serve as a constant reminder to me that I should continue to be myself and do the things that I enjoy in my own way.

Why the need for reminder? Well, I am someone who has the tendency to emulate or be someone else, is an introvert, and score very high on neuroticism of the five factor model. Since I tend to get overwhelm very easily, I have to learn and practice to do things at my own pace, which I tend to forget or when I feel like I should meet someone else’s expectations.

I have also been watching videos and reading up on High Sensitivity and Elaine Aron’s research. Somehow, I feel like I have some traits of a highly sensitive person. I get hangry, is ticklish, never quite like physical contact with another person, and prefer to work in a dark room or in a cubicle. But then I am rarely in tune with emotions of other people. So I don’t know whether I’m a HSP or is just a neurotic introvert.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 7, 2017

This is my 123rd journal.

I woke up especially early today at around 0645hrs. Went to the washroom and then I went back to my bed attempting to sleep. But I just couldn’t sleep. So instead I just laid there thinking about stuff before getting up at around 0709hrs. Took a pill for my gastritis and then brushed my teeth.

Used my iPad Pro for a bit to browse the web and look through my Facebook news feed before having my breakfast at around 0740hrs.

Watch some YouTube video on my iPad pro while eating. After I’m done, I went for a quick shower and got ready to go to my client’s office.

Got a cold brew and a Turkey Ham with Egg and Cheddar Sandwich from Subway after I arrived at Raffles Place at around 0940hrs.

Enter a caption

I know it’s bad for people who has gastritis like me but as I said repeatedly. I love coffee too much.

I started doing some work at around 1030hrs. While writing codes, I was messing around with the virtual machine running on my MacBook pro. I was attempting to figure out why the MSSQL database connection was slow and Windows itself was sluggish. So I was powering on and off the virtual machine. On the third attempt, my MacBook Pro suffered from a kernel panic. I mean, the Windows VM was loading up after I logged in and I was concurrently browsing the web.

I of course went and remove the kext, “tl.uds.netusb controller”, because it was an unnecessary kernel extension. It was the TP-Link USB controller software for the printer my previous company was using. Since I already left, this dump reminded me that I don’t need the controller anymore.

After that, I restarted my MacBook Pro one more time after the system started up again. Luckily I saved my work already and so I could continue from where I left off.

I tried the VM one more time and it was still fine. So after I’m done testing one of the feature that I was implementing, I powered off the VM and focus on another feature that don’t need the VM just yet.

Now, I personally hate virtual machines and is looking for alternatives. I’m thinking about buying an Intel NUC just to host Windows-specific stuff (E.g. Microsoft SQL Server). It is so that I can have a portable server and not worrying about internet connectivity or data breaches (the database contains sensitive client information), while I do my main work on the MacBook Pro (no, I’m not going back to Windows). If I need to any stuff like testing out SQL scripts, I could just do a remote desktop into the NUC.

I don’t think it make sense for me to spend maybe SGS$3000 or more to get a Surface Pro with decent specification or maybe < SG$1500 for a budget laptop. Weight and price are both concerns of mine. If anyone got any other better suggestions do let me know in the comments.

Decided to call it a day at around 1700hrs to avoid the evening crowd. Went home, played a few rounds of Plague Inc., reached home and unpack my Mac again.

I opened up my Apple Mail and went through all the emails from all my email accounts. I got a shock when I saw that I to pay Amazon for usage of the AWS. At first, I thought I had shutdown all the instances that I used. It turns out that I forgot to shutdown the RDS instance and my S3 bucket was still active. I made payment and quickly terminate and delete the RDS instance and S3 bucket. I am contemplating if I should shut down the account since I don’t think I will be using it personally.

After that, I went for a shower and started watching Game of Thrones Season 7, episode 4. Now this is the episode to die for.

I’m not gonna even try to warn anyone about spoilers since this is the internet age. Everything is out there already.

To sum the whole episode up: the Lannisters got severely roasted by the dragon and swarmed by the Dorathki warriors. Jamie’s fate is unknown. Bran Stark is too calm while Arya Stark is a seriously good fighter. Littlefinger is still being the resident creeper.

Earlier today, I actually wanted to watch Atomic Blonde but the friends that I asked either didn’t want to watch or not free. Since it is ridiculously rated R21 in Singapore, I have to watch it in the cinemas since I don’t think I will be able to get it from iTunes. If it really comes down to it, I will watch it by myself. Just hope there are still shows this week.

Oh wait… apparently, I can get R21 movies from iTunes according to this news article: New rule on R21 content reflects changing media landscape.

Personally, I never quite like the idea of censorship or ratings. I mean, the world itself is not that friendly or nice. There are so many things going on. The act of censorship or ratings is like trying to shield people from realities of the world or preventing people from seeing new ideas.

I guess my stance on censorship comes from the fact that I am mostly immune to violent imageries, and I can deal with mature content or thought provoking stuff. I’m not even grossed out by gore or blood in films. I can tell what is fake or propaganda, and what is real.

But I can’t say the same for the other 16, 17 or 18 year-old Singaporeans. I mean even some 21-year-olds still have the mindset of a 16-year-olds. So I shall just say my piece and let it go. Beside I’m already old enough that not really restricted by these ratings unless the content is banned or blocked by the government.

I think I better stop here as I will probably go on and on about some other stuff. I will share more of my thoughts about some other stuff in separate entries or another journal.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 6, 2017

This is my 122nd journal.

Woke up at around 1000hrs feeling extremely groggy and to the sound of my irritating neighbors doing some hammering work and blasting their music.

Lazed around in bed until about 1100hrs before I actually got up, brushed my teeth, and took an omeprazole pill with a full cup of water. Waited for half an hour before I ate my breakfast.

After that, I was just mingling around in the kitchen chatting with my family members and made a cup of Earl Grey tea.

I am not sure what to do for the rest of the day. Part of me don’t feel like playing any games too.

At around 1430hrs, I decided to go out with my mom and sisters. Had a shower, put on a T-shirt, a pair of shorts, and sneakers before heading out.

Went to IMM first, and trailed behind my sisters and mom as they went looking at shoes. Had lunch at Ichiban Sushi and it was my treat. The bill totaled $113.

I ordered a hot green tea, Agedashi Tofu, and a plate of assorted Sushi.

If you are wondering or have yet to figure it out, yes, I love Japanese food and I find that they are more healthy than traditional Chinese cuisine, or western cuisine.

Then I went to get StarBucks while they went ahead to JCube. I joined them there and walked around some more looking for shoes. Then we went to play at the claw machine and I lent my sister 10 bucks to get a duck stuffed toy.

Then we walked about some more at Jem before we head home.

Well, my mom decided not to cook after reaching home and so we will be heading out again for dinner. Until then, I will focus on doing some writing.

There wasn’t enough time for me to do any proper writing since it takes time to even get the gears moving.

My family and I went to a nearby Tze Char store to have dinner. After the dinner, we went home to the weather starting to letting go of rain. It was a light drizzle but since it’s a short walk from home so it didn’t matter.

For the rest of the night, considering that I had quite a lot of caffeinated drinks today, I think I will do some light writing and watching YouTube video.

That’s all for now.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Aug 5, 2017

This is my 121st journal.

I didn’t do much today except spending most of my waking hours playing Cities: Skylines. I managed to fix the traffic issues and got my city population growing again. Tax income has now stabilized and that the commercial zones can get their goods now. What I did was simple. Creating a cargo train network that spanned the whole city with support from cargo ships.

Later in the evening, I went for a 8km run. Wanted to do 10km but then I felt that I should let my joints recover as they still hurts when I run. I still hadn’t got around to get the new shoes yet as I have some budget constraint this month. I mean, I didn’t quite want to spend the money since I’m technically not employed full-time.

Had my dinner and off I went to watch Dark Matter (TV Series) and Killjoys (TV Series).

That’s all for now.

Here I conclude my journal for today.