Daily Journal – Jun 30, 2017

This is my 90th journal.

I don’t really want to talk about work today. So I will skip that. Instead, I will focus on reviewing ramen.

My friend opened a ramen stall at Yue Hua Foodcourt at 108 Depot Road. The stall is called Tsubame Ramen. You can check out the Facebook page here.

As this is a store in a food court where the highest costing ramen is around SG$6, I’m not expecting restaurant standard.

For a start, the broth is especially important in a bowl of ramen and then follow by the noodles.

I ordered the King Shoyu Ramen, which is one of the signature dish. Here it is.

Being a Shoyu Ramen, I’m expecting the broth to carry a salty taste. It delivered but not to the point where you need to gulp down tons of water. But it’s still pretty salty (I mean if I can taste it, it’s pretty salty), therefore it is not for everyone.

As explained by my friend, it cost money to make a thick broth that’s rich in flavour. So she tried to find a decent balance between cost and quality. I applaud her effort. 4/5 for the broth.

Next is the noodle. At the start, the noodle is rather tough to chew. Considering that I have some issue with my jaw caused by previous d wisdom tooth extraction, I had some rather difficult time. However, after a while soaking in the broth, the noodle softened. Only then, I find it enjoyable. My friend explained to me that because the noodle can become extremely soft when left in the broth for too long and if she cook it any longer. Therefore, she only cooked it for a few seconds. It is to ensure the quality for people ordering ramen to go and don’t eat it immediately. 4/5 for the noodle.

For SG$6, there are four pieces of braised pork belly that is well cooked. However, as I’m someone who prefer a stronger tasting braised pork belly, I didn’t find it exceptional. I personally prefer the braised pork belly from Menya Sanji Ramen located at Orchid Hotel along 1 Trans Link. But then, Menya Sanji Ramen cost up to $15 including GST. So 3.5/5 for the pork bellies. The lava egg was a good attempt but for that kind of price, you can’t really complain. 3.5/5 for the lava egg.

If you do live around Depot Road or if you are in the area, do pay Tsubame Ramen a visit.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

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Daily Journal – Jun 29, 2017

This is my 89th journal.

Another day gone and June will soon be over. July approaches and it marks the last month I will be with my current company.

I had a psychiatrist appointment today in the morning. So I worked from home from 0735 to 0850, preparing the test documents. Then had a shower, took my things and left the house.

Arriving early at the Polyclinic meant that I had to wait for nearly half an hour before it was my turn.

After the session, I went for brunch at Subway before making my way to office. While at Subway, after eating, I actually went on to read some emails and send out one. Earlier on, I had called the tester (there was supposed to be a SIT test today) to check if he’s available. He told me he’s not free. Well, luckily, I called if not it will be a wasted trip. The test got rescheduled to tomorrow. I guess I will call the tester again tomorrow before making my way there. Just had to make sure.

So I went back to office, print out the documents and join my colleagues for lunch. After that, one of my colleague and I made our way to the customer’s office at Paya Lebar to do some work. I had some test data to prepare as well as cleaning up some of the test users that I will be using. Also synced up with my colleague on what he has implemented as next week onwards, he won’t be around. By the time he comes back to work, it would have been my last day with the company…I think.

Anyway, I have also been in talks with my friends about a project that we will be working on together on part-time basis. For now, all I can say is that it will be an app. But what kind is it, I guess, we will have to wait until we complete our market research and product validation.

In the mean time, I will be going on for courses, taking on part-time and freelance work just so that I don’t starve to death. Full-time work that will take up my whole day (e.g. 8.30am to 6pm) just isn’t what I want now. I mean, it doesn’t allow me to do whatever I want or explore. By the time I finish work, I will be so tired that I can’t do my stuff or take my courses. And if I do force myself to take those courses and do my things…well…I can foresee that it will be back to square one. Then, I would have just wasted a whole bunch of money going into therapy. At least now, I have slightly pulled myself out of depression and feel happier. I definitely don’t want to go back in.

And I’m not here to meet or live up to anyone’s but my own expectations. You can provide advice or share your opinion but at the end of it, it’s my own life. I decide which path I want to go.

One more thing, if I do decide that I will be a freelance developer, I’m not going to cheapen myself. My rate will go anywhere between $50 to $150 per hour. Either clients in Singapore pay the rate that I ask for or they can outsource and get those low end, piss-poor quality developers from South Asia or SEA to do for you. If it is the latter, then I don’t even want you as a client. You can piss off.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 28, 2017

This is my 88th journal.

For a moment there, I didn’t quite know how I want to start. My personal life has gotten pretty boring in my view as of late. So maybe let me just share some thoughts instead and see how it goes.

There are two kinds of content which I feel need to be improved on, which are necessary to improve readership. On a personal level, I prefer textual stuff. It allows my imagination to run wild. Art works and drawings kind of take that away because you are seeing what the artist want you to see. Get my drift? Though I got to admit that graphical stuff are important when you want to explain a concept or idea.

Sorry about the digression.

So, the first kind of content involves my own daily journal. After all, this my personal blog. I know I need to increase the number of graphical or video-based content instead of textual content. But I think in order to do that, I would need to take more pictures, maybe even take videos. A friend of mine invited me to a musical/performance event. I’m still trying to decide if I want to go or not. Get out of my comfort zone again??? That might be a good chance to practice my photography skills and get some content for this.

Another kind of content is those involving teaching. I mean I have a stronger background in programming, software development and design compare to other skills which I am currently exploring and attempting to learn, namely drawing, cooking, and copywriting. So I suppose I should start doing more content on those.

Anyway, I just want to add that writing a daily journal is about establishing some kind of discipline and routine. Even if just writing a single line saying, “I’m busy”, is as important as writing a multi-paragraph entry.

But these days, I suppose youngsters don’t read. They prefer cat pictures.

Now now, just like that, I have multi-paragraphs and I mentioned that I wasn’t sure how to start in my first paragraph.

For work today, I went to the customer office and conducted SIT. Spent the whole day there. Had lunch by myself, which I usually do on weekends anyway. Though it can be quite a sad thing.

Something of note is that my boss removed me from many of the slack channels that I was on. Kind of a relief in a way. That means that I didn’t need to care so much anymore. I can devote more brain power to other stuff and just do whatever task that’s left.

Remember yesterday I mentioned that I signed up for a drawing course? I forgot to include the link to what I was talking about. So here it is.

The drawing course by Rich Graysonn. I came across it through the Singapore’s SkillsFuture platform where you can sign up for courses to upgrade yourself. It was an initiative by the Singapore government so that Singaporeans are ready to take on the future work.

In my personal opinion, it is a good attempt but in light of a world that will be highly driven by Artificial Intelligence (AI), whatever skills Singaporeans in general will acquire will fall short.

My questions to Singaporeans and the government are very simple: What problem will there be that an extremely advanced AI or robotics can’t solve? What do Singaporeans in general have to offer that people from nations where they are leaders in AI and Robotics don’t have?

The world order will change. United States and China will be the leaders in AI. Their economies will be increasingly driven by that.

In my opinion, seeing how small Singapore is, the lack of local specialists, and that the people here are all about “management”, “outsourcing”, and our population is falling due to low birth-rate, I doubt we can even survive. Smart-nation probably can free up some human resource to do “intelligent” work but there just isn’t enough of us (locals).

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 27, 2017

This is my 87th journal.

I just don’t know why anymore. I suffered insomnia again. Didn’t manage to sleep until 7am and I just went to work like that.

Today I got a call from ST Engineering about me being shortlisted for a job. The hiring manager talked to me for nearly half an hour about the job scope, and wanting to make sure I wanted the job. I agreed to it and gave the person a date to process. Now I will just wait for the job offer package.

For work, it was SIT day. Finished up testing with one of the application owner. Tomorrow will be another day with another application owner.

Anyway, just now, I decided to sign up for a basic drawing course from Udemy. I didn’t want to just talk about wanting to learn something new. Actions needs to be taken and so I took action Therefore, I cannot find any more excuses about no time whatsoever. I managed to finish the first two lessons but then my brain is so tired now that I decided to just call it a night.

Here is a video called The Infinite by Jason Silva on the Shot of Awe channel.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 26, 2017

This is my 86th journal.

I am not even sure if I did enough things today to warrant writing this journal.

Last night, I tried to sleep early but I don’t think it was a quality sleep. I woke up again in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall asleep until around maybe it was 4 or 5am.

*Oh, come on, it’s a freaking public holiday.*

I guess my mind or body somehow knew it was a Monday and I’m supposed to go to work.

I did manage to force myself to play through a couple of hours of Prey in the morning and managed to tune out work from my mind. Then I went to play a few rounds of Plague Inc. and I didn’t quite manage to complete a mission. Got distracted by something else and the thought of work surfaced again.

In the afternoon, I decided to go and get some lunch. Went Jurong Point for that. Then I went to get a drink from Coffee Bean. Starbucks today had a surprisingly long queue. During the time that I was waiting for the bus, I did some writing. A couple of lines for my short story. At least, I guess, it’s better than nothing.

I guess some self-reflection is in order.

I did spent quite some time thinking about certain things, especially how my neuroticism is affecting my life. I also know that I’m a scanner (a term introduced in the book, Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams by Barbara Sher) or also known as a multi-potentialite but my neuroticism is holding me back, preventing me from seeking out new experiences.

I also know that I’m not empathic at all. I lost count of the number of wrong decisions, statements or comments that I’ve made that hurt someone I know.

Now I wonder if it’s because I simply didn’t take the effort to actually get to know someone, feel, and care for someone that I am like this.

Maybe it’s because of some deeper problems? I can’t be sure but maybe listing them down will help.

First possibility: Is it because of my neuroticism that is taking away the mental capacity for empathic acitivities?

Second possibility: Is it because of me being a scanner/multi-potentialite that I fear commitments?

Third possibility: Maybe it’s both.

Fourth possibility: Maybe it’s because I’m an impatient person that I can’t be bothered to figure out how to make a relationship work.

Fifth possibility: Maybe it all three.

*Sigh.*

I think the only way to know for sure is to take the effort to try to get to know someone, love the person for who he/she is and commit to taking care of that person.

I don’t know if would change me but will it kill me to do so? Not really.

Side note, I uploaded the short story that I submitted for Golden Point Award 2011. You can read it here.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 25, 2017

This is my 85th journal.

First of all, I like to wish all of you a Happy Eid al-Fitr. Eid al-Fitr is an important religous holiday celebrated by muslims around the world. It is also known as Hari Raya Puasa or Hari Raya Aidilfitri by the Malays.

Anyway, I didn’t do much at all. Spent most of my day chilling by catching up on some of the television series that I missed.

I didn’t quite shut off from work either as from time to time, I get these thoughts about what I need to do for the coming work week. I guess I’m still feeling the effects of burn out. Or maybe it’s just me not being able to relax.

Tomorrow will be a public holiday and so there is no need for me to go back to work.

I guess I shall be looking at doing something else but work or writing. I mean, my MacBook Pro, now being my daily driver, is primarily for work purpose. It has this psychological effect on me where if I use it, it means I must be doing work. So back to my gaming desktop.

I also managed to write some additional lines for my short story but I still have some trouble drafting out the full story. I will see how it goes over the week. Just need to finish it and make sure it is less than 5000 words.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 23, 2017

This is my 84th journal.

For work, there was supposed to be a SIT however, the tester was on MC today. Therefore, end up there wasn’t much I need to do. The prepration work, testing all that, was already done.

Then I went for lunch with my colleague.

Something else major happened today actually. During lunch, I told my colleague my decision that I made. I told him where I was coming from. He was both supportive and surprise. But still, different person have different priorities in life. I just didn’t want to climb any corporate ladders of any sort. I just want to do what I love and make some money from it to survive. That was it.

So later, I submitted my resignation letter. With that, I actually felt happier and lighter. It is to the point where I could actually shift my attention elsewhere and do what I want to do.

Now I’m writing a story in preparation for submission to the Golden Point Award 2017. I participated in it before back in 2011 but I didn’t win. I would love to republish it on this blog again but I will need to find it. I can’t remember if I deleted the manuscript.

I guess I will go back to my writing.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 22, 2017

This is my 83rd journal.

I can barely even write this journal. I’m forcing myself to. I’m actually completely burnt out. Making matter worse, it’s feeding into my existing depression. There is the lingering thought of taking the easy way out. But my self-preservation is strong enough to hold me back.

Anyway, I could barely get out of bed this morning.

Once at work, I could barely stay awake. I dosed off several times. Even when traveling from customer’s site back to office to print some stuff, I dosed off on the train. My emotions are little raw. Everything just feels so overwhelming. I’m having tension headaches too.

So I decided that I have enough. The interview yesterday rekindled something that I have always liked.

Without further hesitation, I actually went and prepared my resignation letter, got it printed, and signed it. I will put into an envelope and will be handing it in tomorrow. Normally, the practical course of action before resigning would be to get a job first. But I’m just so burnt out that I decided against it. A career break is now necessary. I need to reset myself and find the desire again to do what I want to do. I don’t want my new employer to hire a burnt out employee.

I hope that after this ordeal, I come out stronger and better.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

#Daily Journal – Jun 21, 2017

This is my 82nd journal.

Today I took the afternoon off from work to do two things. One to reset my mind and two is to go for an interview.

For the morning, I went to the customer’s office located at International Business Park, Jurong East and spent most of it cleaning up the test data and also do some testing. I discovered some issues and went about fixing them. However, before I can actually test it, I got chased out of the pantry. Yeah, I was using it to do my work because it’s the only place in the whole building that has a proper desk, chair, power socket. But it doesn’t matter, cause it’s lunch time.

After I had lunch, I left the place. Went home, prepare for the interview. At around 1530, I made my way out and went to the company which I am interviewing at.

The interview went, I would say well, but I think I may not have answer all the questions properly. Either way, I’m at this point in life where I need my long break and didn’t quite want to go back to work so soon. So if I do get shortlisted, I will consider it very careful. In the meantime, I should start looking for other companies that provide a more flexible working hour.

After that, I met up with my friend for dinner and a movie. Went home and decided to call it a day.

Here I conclude my journal for today.

Daily Journal – Jun 20, 2017

This is 81st journal.

Today is just another day in office. I spent most of the day testing out the changes done. Then I also tested out the loading of external users and their respective roles into the Identity Manager.

During lunch, I had another talk with my manager and he asked me so far how’s my mood and how it’s affecting my work. Well, the conclusion was I already lost interest and that my work quality has fallen drastically and that he was cleaning up after my mess. I’m sorry.

Then he asked me if I wanted to take a long break, unpaid ones or that I wanted to just drop the whole thing and move on. Deep down, I know, I’m already leaning towards the latter. It’s just that I hadn’t been looking actively either. I guess I’m severely burnt out and don’t want to do anything. Even if I take that long break, I can’t be sure if I want to continue doing what I was doing.

Anyway, I’m leaning towards maybe go into doing part-time work instead of full-time. It is so that I’m not completely penniless and that I’m still doing something that give me experience.

A friend of mine suggested that I find work from Upwork. I think maybe I will give that a try. In the meantime, I shall be filling up application forms too for full-time job and going for interviews to see what’s out there. This is not the time where I will be jumping the gun and choosing the company that offer me first. Made that mistake once, won’t make it again.

Here I conclude my journal for today.